We were wanderers from the beginning. We knew every stand of tree for
a hundred miles. When the fruits or nuts were ripe, we were there. We
followed the herds in their annual migrations. We rejoiced in fresh
meat. through stealth, feint, ambush, and main-force assault, a few of
us cooperating accomplished what many of us, each hunting alone, could
not. We depended on one another. Making it on our own was as ludicrous
to imagine as was settling down.
Working together, we protected our children
from the lions and the hyenas. We taught them the skills they would
need. And the tools. Then, as now, technology was the key to our
survival.
When the drought was prolonged, or when an
unsettling chill lingered in the summer air, our group moved
on—sometimes to unknown lands. We sought a better place. And
when we couldn't get on with the others in our little nomadic band, we
left to find a more friendly bunch somewhere else. We could always
begin again.
For 99.9 percent of the time since our species
came to be, we were hunters and foragers, wanderers on the savannahs
and the steppes. There were no border guards then, no customs
officials. The frontier was everywhere. We were bounded only by the
Earth and the ocean and the sky—plus occasional grumpy
neighbors.
When the climate was congenial, though, when
the food was plentiful, we were willing to stay
put. Unadventurous. Overweight. Careless. In the last ten thousand
years—an instant in our long history—we've abandoned the
nomadic life. We've domesticated the plants and animals. Why chase the
food when you can make it come to you?
For all its material advantages, the sedentary
life has left us edgy, unfulfilled. Even after 400 generations in
villages and cities, we haven't forgotten. The open road still softly
calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood. We invest far-off
places with a certain romance. This appeal, I suspect, has been
meticulously crafted by natural selection as an essential element in
our survival. Long summers, mild winters, rich harvests, plentiful
game—none of them lasts forever. It is beyond our powers to
predict the future. Catastrophic events have a way of sneaking up on
us, of catching us unaware. Your own life, or your band's, or even
your species' might be owed to a restless few—drawn, by a
craving they can hardly articulate or understand, to undiscovered
lands and new worlds.
Herman Melville, in Moby Dick, spoke for
wanderers in all epochs and meridians: "I am tormented with an
everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas..."
Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.
See the child. He is pale and thin, he wears a thin and ragged linen
shirt. He stokes the scullery fire. Outside lie dark turned fields
with rags of snow and darker woods beyond that harbor yet a few last
wolves. His folk are known for hewers of wood and drawers of water but
in truth his father has been a schoolmaster. He lies in drink, he
quotes from poets whose names are now lost. The boy crouches by the
fire and watches him.
Night of your birth. Thirty-three. The Leonids
they were called. God how the stars did fall. I looked for blackness,
holes in the heavens. The Dipper stove.
The mother dead these fourteen years did
incubate in her own bosom the creature who would carry her off. The
father never speaks her name, the child does not know it. He has a
sister in this world that he will not see again. He watches, pale and
unwashed. He can neither read nor write and in him broods already a
taste for mindless violence. All history present in that visage, the
child the father of the man.
The candleflame and the image of the candleflame caught in the pierglass twister and righted when he entered the hall and again when he shut the door. He took off his hat and came slowly forward. The floorboard creaked under his boots. In his black suit he stood in the dark glass where the lilies leaned so palely from their waisted cutglass vase. Along the cold hallway behind him hung the portraits of forebears only dimly known to him all framed in glass and dimly lit above the narrow wainscotting. He looked down at the guttered candlestub. He pressed his thumbprint in the warm wax pooled on the oak veneer. Lastly he looked at the face so caved and drawn among the folds of funeral cloth, the yellowed moustache, the eyelids paper thin. That was not sleeping. That was not sleeping.
I sent one boy to the gaschamber at Huntsville. One and only one. My
arrest and my testimony. I went up there and visited with him two or
three times. Three times. The last time was the day of his
execution. I didnt have to go but I did. I sure didnt wanted to. He'd
killed a fourteen year old girl and I can tell you right now I never
did have no great desire to visit with him let alone go to his
execution but I done it. The papers said it was a crime of passion and
he told me there wasnt no passion to it. He'd been datin this girl,
young as whe was. he was nineteen. And he told me that he had been
plannin to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said
that if they turned hum out he'd do it again. Said he knew he was goin
to hell. Told it to me out of his own mouth. I dont know what to make
of that. I surely dont. I thought I'd never seen a person like that
and it got me to wonderin if maybe he was some new kind. I watched
them strap him into the seat and shut the door. He might of looked a
bit nervous about it but that was about all. I really believe that he
knew he was goin to be in hell in fifteen minutes. I believe
that. Called me Sheriff. But I didnt know what to say to him. What do
you say to a man that by his own admission has no soul? Why would you
say anything? I've thought about it a good deal. But he wasnt nothin
compared to what was comin down the pike.
They say the eyes are the windows to the
soul. I dont know what them eyes was the windows to and I guess I'd as
soon not know. But there is another view of the world out there and
other eyes to see it and that's where this is goin. It has done
brought me to a place in my life I would not of thought I'd of come
to. Somewhere out there is a true and living prophet of destruction
and I dont want to confront him. I know he's real. I have seen his
work. I walked in front of those eyes once. I wont to it again. I wont
push my chips forward and stand up and go out to meet him. It aint
just bein older. I wish that it was. I cant say that it's even what
you are willin to do. Because I always knew that you had to be willin
to die to even do this job. That was always true. Not to sound
glorious about it or nothin but you do. If you aint they'll know
it. They'll see it in your heartbeat. I think it is more like what you
are willin to become. And I think a man would have to put his soul at
hazard. And I wont do that. I think now that maybe I never would.
Suddenly: The milk truck cut a sharp right turn and grazed the
curb. The driver lost the wheel. He panic-popped the brakes. He
induced a rear-end skid. A Wells Fargo armored car clipped the milk
truck side/head-on.
Mark it now:
7:16 a.m. South L.A., 84th and
Budlong. Residential darktown. Shit shacks with dirt front yards.
The jolt stalled out both vehicles. The milk
truck driver hit the dash. The driver's side door blew wide. The
driver keeled and hit the sidewalk. He was fortyish male Negro.
The armored car notched some hood dents. Three
guards got out and scoped the damage. They were white men in tight
khakis. They wore Sam Browne belts with buttoned pistol flaps.
They knelt beside the milk truck driver. The guy twitched and
gasped. The dashboard bound gouged hist forehead. Blood dripped into
his eyes.